Thoughts....

The other day, I was taking a shower & this overwhelming feeling of excitement to meet blueberry came over me (not sure why I had this in the shower…)

I wonder what he/she’ll look like. Whether blueberry will like when I sing to him/her (since I sing all the time & now he can hear me in there). How Kayla (our 2.5yr old german shepherd/sheltie) will react/interact with blueberry. She's great with other kids she's been around. when I babysit the twins, she likes to 'herd' them.

I find myself daydreaming lately about what life will be like this time next year. On a day like today (18inches of snow overnight), I'd be able to hang around home until the snow is cleared from ALL the roads (my drive in this AM was OK except the road to get into work wasn't plowed at all at 7AM!!!). Then, Kayla & I could wrap blueberry up & take him outside to play in the park (since it's not too cold out). we could come in and cuddle (I AM SOOOOOO excited about the cuddling. I really hope blueberry likes cuddling.). Then head over to Dena's to play with blueberry's twin girlfriends. I know reality will play itself out a little differently (kid screaming, hates cuddling, kayla eats something funky, etc). but I can dream :).

I do have my anxieties about being a mom. I feel like the least likely candidate (not sure why). I don't know anything about babies except from books & babysitting my 2 pairs of twins (thomas/caitlin & lorilye/abrielle)! and i'm fairly certain that things change when you can't hand the kid over to someone else & leave to have a great night's sleep... Plus I'm concerned that I know nothing about child development. When can they start on calculus? 2 or 3? (KIDDING!) Good thing I have so many close friends/family that have 'gone before me' in the child-rearing thing. I just hope that I'll be able to provide everything they need & have a little fun along the way without feeling like I should be back at work.

Stay at home Momming... this should be a post in and of itself. I've gotten such polarized reactions about this. Ultimatly, it is my & my husband's decision. We made it shortly after we got married (yes - even before we got pregnant...). And - we are lucky (? not sure if it was luck really) enough to be financially prepared (we live well below our means). But it is such a loaded issue for everyone. Either people glow & tell me how much I will LOVE it, OR they say "REALLY?! but you have such a good career - why would you give that up?" or as my mom said: "I've seen you work so hard for this job, I wouldn't want you to throw it all away!" my reply "I work hard because that's just what I do! it hasn't been necessarily for this job..." It's as if having a career like engineering means you automatically have to go right back to work after the requisite 12 weeks (where you've been pineing for mental stimulation...).

Everyone that I work with assumes I'm coming back after a short break without so much as a nod at anything else. Personally, I think it's sad. As if the pursuit of money and self has overcome the family in this society to such an extent that the alternatives to main stream middle class have been forgotten.

On that note - I'm so excited for this time next year. I'll have met my precious blueberry, I'll be getting to know him/her, and I won't have to manage huge spreadsheets all day long!

The Nursery & Yesterday

So yesterday, I had this awesome day. For most non-pregnant people, it will probably sound like a normal day... but to me, it was a break-through! You see - everyday, I've been getting these headaches around 2 or 3pm due to built up sinus pressure (due to the hormone induced congestion). But yesterday, after praying about it monday and tuesday - I DIDN'T HAVE ONE!!! I felt like my old self again.

Not only was I able to go to choir, but also I went to the local mall to pick up SU shirts for the whole family (Yes - I bought one for blueberry, I couldn't resist!), after perusing the mall, I figured out that I have become a 'purpose' shopper lately. Like a guy! I went into a few stores & just didn't see anything. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I don't fit into most of it!!

After figuring out that I could waste no more time in the mall (I still had 30 minutes to kill before choir), I headed towards church to figure out my next move. Then - I spotted JoAnn's fabrics! I've been looking for the right shade of green for the nursery curtains. there it was - $2/yd more expensive than the broadcloth that I wanted to find the right color in, but it was perfect - the right amount of saturation and yellow-balance.

I have this really cute idea for the curtains. I'll see if I can draw up a diagram of the plans later, but basically, the base is green (medium-light green with a slight yellow tint). I got this neat 'natural' colored cotton lining. Then - I'm going to sew on all these different color ribbons criss-crossing around. it'll have thick cream colored ribbon tabs to hang with. I love making fun and creative curtains! Now I just need to decide whether I'll stitch the ribbons on with one or two lines.

Other than the curtains, we've got the crib (on sale, very exciting). I've picked out the dresser/changing table (dual purpose - this room is tiny!!!), and I found a cute giraffe wall decal. also - I'm fairly certain that I know which mattress we'll buy (didn't know it would be so complicated to find one of those!!!). Jon is going to paint the nursery when I'm down in NYC/NJ for a LOOOONG weekend (does friday - wednesday even count as a weekend anymore?).